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This is an explanation of the 5-Shack System.
Property Condition: At the end of the day, what you've bought is what you have to deal with. The more you know in advance, the more time you'll have to stock up on pain-killers and upset-stomach meds.  If this property isn't on the demo list, it should be... but it'll probably be a year or two before the city gets around to doing anything about it. If you're super-handy, you may just be able to make a house out of this lived-in junk pile.
 Serious structural and aesthetic concerns prevent the average buyer from even getting out of their car... some will utter uncontrollable obscenities. Be warned, this isn't fodder for a traditional "let's paint it, plant some flowers and make $50 grand in 12 weeks" flipping show. Experts and masochists only.
 "Lived in" is a polite term for this property. Some structural concerns, a high likelihood of trash and debris, and definite aesthetic issues would likely deter most buyers.
 Solid and fairly well-built structure, with noticeable aesthetic issues. Could be a diamond in the rough, could be an investment you'll put twenty grand into that sits on the market for a year and a half while you struggle to pay for it. Excellent for rental-seekers.
 Practically move-in ready if not fully liveable, unless you're royalty or something. Requiring little to nothing, It may have already been flipped a few times. A sizable percentage of tenants would willingly rent this place and decorate it themselves. There shouldn't be many houses of this caliber on this site.
Neighborhood Ambience: Most properties are not self-supporting islands. Where a place is located can be a massive determining factor about whether fixing it up is a worthwhile endeavor... or whether you should just fence it up and throw a house-beating party. If you don't think this is a ghetto, you must've grown up in the third world. Extremely high crime rate, high unemployment, drugs, prostitution, so many gang colors you're better off walking around naked. Love the smell of napalm in the morning?
The crime and unemployment aren't so bad... if you're high. And the prostitutes remember your name... so I hear, not that I'd know or anything. If you're a good tipper, the pizza place might deliver... before the Sun goes down.
Probably no millionaires on this block, but you can walk down the street without running into any crack heads. And your chances of being robbed are fairly small. This is a good place for a rental, because the taxes are often low, and random acts of arson are few and far-between.
A nice, middle-class neighborhood, as far away from "those people" as the homeowners can afford. A little pretentious, but it's a small price to pay for a safe place to raise children. Rentals in this area go for a premium, and there's a decent chance they'll become rent-to-buyers.
The cradle of national-level figure skaters, corporate upper-management and plastic surgeons. This area is a yuppy factory, and they're damn proud of it. There is a sort of closet racism and a definite haughtiness in the air, but when the guards at the gate address you as "Sir" or "Madam," you’ll understand that if you want the best, you’ve gotta pay for it. The eyesores of this type of neighborhood are like fountains of gold... especially if you can buy it during a down market, rent it for a good profit, then sell it when the tide rolls back in. Neighborhoods like this make Fix My Neighborhood.com worth the while.
Reviewer Standards: At some level, where you come from determines your standards. Just from reading a review, it's very difficult to know a person's standards. Unless you use the System, that is. There’s a 70% chance this person just got out of either prison or rehab, but it’s all-good. Honesty is the best policy. This person’s standards is most likely based on the exceedingly low end. “Doesn’t every child sleep under their bed in case of stray bullets? Rats are just pets that come with the place, right? You don’t need four walls _and_ a roof, do you?”
Here’s someone who once drove through Yuppyville, jaw on the floor. But for 99% of their early lives, garbage-filled streets, shopkeepers who see everyone as a thief-to-be, and gangs who border on being insurgent armies are just the way things are. This person understands that there are potentially very great deals out there… for those who have either the cash or the negotiating skills. Till then, they make up for wherever they're lacking skills with extra positivity. We all start somewhere.
This person probably started out at an extreme end, and either grew dissatisfied with upper-crustiness or has boot-strapped their way from the sludge at the bottom. A very accurate judge of a property and a neighborhood, having knowledge of both sides, this person will tell it like it is.
This person notices most of the details, and is very short on some "undesirable" districts. This person knows which of their neighbors' lawns aren't getting mown "often enough," and tends to look at renters as second-class citizens who should feel right at home in a 50 square foot outhouse.
This is a fairly spoiled person who demands the very best. This person is meticulous with details, and considers it hard work to speak with a contractor about redoing the roof. Knows exactly how many minorities are housed within a 5-mile radius, and has a specific "blight threshhold" beyond which they will move out.
Copyright © 2007 Chris Hodge. All rights reserved. |